Postcard from Australia: The Santa Emails

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Postcard from Australia: The Santa Emails

By Andy Flemming, Group Creative Director, M&C Saatchi, Sydney

 

From: ZackS@leper.com
To: Phil@leper.com, Kaz@leper.com
Subject: Debrief

Great news team! Client absolutely LOVES the whole Santa Claus concept and wants to roll it out WORLDWIDE. That’s got to be worth some Rose! (I’m buying.) See you in the South of France next year.

PS. They want to research it, but DON’T WORRY. It’s a torture test, nothing more.

From Phil@leper.com
To: Kaz@leper.com
Subject: WOOHOO!

Shoe in for activation, definitely. Maybe a fucking Titanium.

From: Hamill-Davis@leper.com
To: !allstaff
Subject: SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN.

Yesterday evening, Zack, Phil and Kaz presented a concept that truly demonstrates what we’re all about. Their Santa Claus concept is the very definition of brand purpose. It’s proactive. It’s sticky and will completely change the Christmas Paradigm. Give them a fist bump when you see them. THIS is real top shelf stuff. Giving. Charity. Selflessness. All the things that we wrote on the big white wall when we started this nutty place. See you tonight at the leaving drinks for Dave, Rick, Sally, Aziz, Clive and Sam. Tough business. We’ll get through this.

From: ZackS@leper.com
To: Phil@leper.com, Kaz@leper.com
Subject: Research top line.

All good. Two groups, half adults, half children. Some minor changes but nothing we can’t deal with. It looks worse than it is!!!!!

1. Lose the ‘Claus’ as it sounds like ‘Claws’. Client suggests ‘Smith’, ‘Wang’, or ‘Zhang’ as they’re the most popular surnames in the world.

2. The chimney. Some of the parents are concerned that chimney insertion reminds them of home invasions. We think a polite knock on the door would remove this.

3. Santa’s size. I know we all loved Kaz’s incredible illustrations, but about 75% of the adult respondents thought we were fat-shaming. They wouldn’t mind a little paunch, but a more toned, muscular physique would go down well with Adidas, and we’re talking to them about the Santa boot tie-in. Can you redo the illustration before three? (They’ve attached reference below.) Thanx.

4. Why is Rudolph the only Reindeer with a huge red nose? One of the children said he’d be bullied by the others, some of the adults said it reminded them of late-stage alcoholism. I reckon they ALL have red noses. But you’re the creatives!

5. The Reindeer. For such a heavy load, why does Santa need animals to propel the sleigh? (Sleigh was also a MASSIVE trigger word. We’ll talk about that later.) The clients are teetering on the edge of knocking them back, I don’t think they will, but can we have something in our back pocket in case they do? I suggested something like an old, red London bus (BIG Harry Potter fan!) it’s unique, it’s in keeping with the character and I think it adds ‘olde worlde’ charm. But again, your call. Maybe a jet or something. (SpaceX?)

6. People are NOT leaving alcohol out for Santa. This is just fucking stupid, and I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE IT OUT OF THE DECK. Santa’s not a fucking drunk driver. I don’t care if he has biscuits and carrots for the animals. After two streets he’d be in fucking hospital. This is irresponsible.

7. Why does Santa have to be a man? I mean, think about it. Who would you rather have sliding down your chimney at night? A man or (wait for it!) SINDY ZHANG! (Claus is out remember.) A man and a woman, one diverse or disabled please. This is not debatable.

8. The story. Parents (and kids) are simply not buying the whole ‘One man, One world, One night’ strapline (but it did look great during the presentation.) Simple mathematics demonstrate that he simply cannot deliver presents to FIVE BILLION PEOPLE IN 24 HOURS. The client likes the idea that one of the respondents wrote down. ‘Santa isn’t a man, he’s a collective.’ How cool is that? We should hire him (lol.) We all think (clients and me) that this is less of a single effort and more of a powerful statement of community. So, it’s more a delivery by someone from your town than someone from the North Pole (hasn’t that fucking melted? Haha.)

9. They hate the red. It reminds them of blood. Teal?

The client has attached this. They love it. Kaz. Can you ‘shop it?’

ATTACHMENT:

Postcard from Australia: The Santa Emails

From: ZackS@leper.com
To: Phil@leper.com, Kaz@leper.com
Subject: New deck

The deck has gone down a storm. WELL DONE PEOPLE. I keep saying how amazing you are and how it always gets done no matter how much you whine. (Looking at YOU Phil!) Just awaiting some minor feedback. Go to the pub, it’s eleven PM!

From: ZackS@leper.com
To: DebbieKlein@amazon.com
Subject: Read this. Secret Squirrel stuff.
ATTACHMENT: Deck58

From Phil@leper.com
To: Kaz@leper.com
Subject: WTF?

I just passed meeting room nine and there’s a whole bunch of suits and SANTA was on the screen. What are they up to?

From: Hamill-Davis@leper.com
To: !allstaff
Subject: WIN!

Yes, the rumours are true. WE’VE ONLY GONE AND WON AMAZON! This is a monumental piece of business, especially during these uncertain times. Baljeet is now delivering a $20 Amazon voucher to EVERY SINGLE STAFF MEMBER to say thank you. This is going to make Christmas extra special. I hope Mr and Mrs Amazon bring you all something equally as nice!!

From: ZackS@leper.com
To: Phil@leper.com, Kaz@leper.com
Subject: Mr and Mrs Amazon.

Amazon absolutely adore the Santa concept and, thanks to you, it will now receive the budget it needs to be as big as I know it can be. I’m just waiting for a formal debrief, but until then, go out and have a well-deserved Rose. (See you in Cannes next year!)

From: ZackS@leper.com
To: Phil@leper.com, Kaz@leper.com
Subject: Mr and Mrs Amazon.

Some minor, minor changes. Nothing too significant for brains as excellent as yours.

Your Christmas music choices have been through Amazon legal and compliance and we’ve received the following.

Frosty the Snowman: No. Cocaine dealing references.
Last Christmas: No. Covid deaths.
I’m dreaming of a white Christmas: No. White Supremacy/Nazis.
Sleigh Ride: No. It could reference two psychopaths on a killing spree.

The client is quite interested in a song that references the ‘Amazon blue’. (Brand tracking.) Blue Monday?

And just a few minor tweaks. Santa’s coat has to be Amazon blue please. I’ve sent you the pantones and the style guide. All the vans and trucks are to use the 2021 livery, not the 2020. They’ve been slightly changed.

Have you been through the headshots? We need to pick BOTH characters by close of play. As far as the script is concerned, the client would like both of them to say ‘Have an Amazon Christmas’ instead of ‘Happy Christmas’ for brand tracking. I’m sure you can slip it in Phil. (OOOOOERRRR MISSUS!)

From: Hamill-Davis@leper.com
To: !allstaff
Subject: Zack Sadler

Zack Sadler has had to leave Leper due to a serious family emergency. Zack has been with us for an astonishing six years and we wish his family all the best. I’m sure you’ll share a drink with him in the new year.

From: WeissJ@leper.com
To: To: Phil@leper.com, Kaz@leper.com
Subject: Mr and Mrs Amazon.

Hi guys! I’ve heard SOOOOOO much about you two brilliant minds!!!!!!!! So happy to be working with you on this amazing project.

Just a quick one. Can we please remove all wrapping paper from the concept? Amazon have spectacular branded packaging and, to be honest, why cover them up with gaudy shit?

The client has requested ‘I’m Blue da ba dee da ba daa’ by Eiffel 65 as the brand track as apparently they played at Bezos’ wedding.

I think it’s jolly and wonderful and you two should be extremely proud that your idea is now being seen by billions across the world.

Can’t wait for the industry blogs! Have an Amazon Christmas and an Prime New Year.

Jenny.

Andy Flemming is Group Creative Director at M&C Saatchi. He’d like you rascals to know that yes, the email format is a tribute* to Matt Beaumont’s ‘E’. Go and buy it. It’s excellent.

*Unashamed rip-off, let’s be honest.